


Silence

by NovaRose



Category: The Shape of Water (2017)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 00:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13470156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaRose/pseuds/NovaRose
Summary: A tale set in the moments before she is taken into the water. Finding herself hopelessly lost in a world of pain and silence, they are there for her.





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tyellas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyellas/gifts).



She twitched, suddenly, there, alone, in the cold, black night, and her audible inhalation coming as a gasp, harsh and fast. It was the kind of gasp that only seemed to do nothing except dry her mouth and burn the back of her throat, and it did so even worse than she ever would have believed, as she tried her best to force air into her lungs and breathe evenly, counting.

_One…_

__

__

_Two…_

_Three…_

She blinked slowly, and her eyes were searching, almost expectantly, in a way, her eyes seemed to have been trying to look and see if there was something there, somewhere, in the deepest depths of the night. What exactly that something could be or even might be, she realized she was not quite sure, anyway. Even still, she thought for a moment that she might be able to find something, somewhere in there that she might be able to focus on, to help her be able to forget, but then she found that it was all hopeless after all because she was alone, all alone, because she always was, and her vision had gone blurry and she was cold and it was just so very hard…

She had gone entirely quiet and in her silence, in her pure and dreadful silence, she tried her very best to move, it seemed to have had taken nearly everything that she may have had left in her, at that moment, and maybe even more than that, though all her effort only seemed to have all been made in vain, it seemed, because she only seemed to have just enough energy left inside of her to manage to turn her head slightly to one side, slowly, in order to rest her cheek against the cold, wet pavement beneath her. As she lay there, she only seemed to be vaguely aware of the fact that stinging tears had pooled quickly in her hazy eyes, but they burned, burned, burned.

Another gasp.

She closed her eyes, and it had only occurred to her for the very first time, right then, that she had never known such pain.

Such terrible and extraordinary and consuming pain.

She seemed to be curiously unaware of just how violently she was trembling, as the rain continued to beat down on her, soaking her hair and her skin and her clothes and everything about her excruciatingly silent existence, chilling her down to the very bone. Or maybe, just maybe, she couldn’t bring herself to care, because after all, the only thing she seemed to know, right then, was the pain. 

She decided to settle there, silently and with an eerie stillness, only contemplating… 

How exactly it was even possible that the human brain to could even fathom a kind of pain as immense as this?

She thought about that for a while, that is, until there came a point where she imagined that she could start to feel herself begin to fade.

She felt that she was giving in to…something.

She twitched again, against the cold, hard earth, somehow just knowing that death was near.

Not terribly close yet, though she could sense that it was lingering there, somewhere out there in the night, hiding itself in a place that she could not see, waiting, until of course, it felt like it was ready to claim her; though she had been certain it was there, somewhere because it was taunting her, quietly threatening to take her away from everything in this world that she had ever known.

She let out a slow, ragged sigh, only deciding to wait and before long, she found herself wishing, and almost even hoping, if only for a moment, that it would. There was something about the very idea of it all that was strangely tempting, she thought to herself, briefly though the part of her brain that still seemed to be capable of thinking and processing something other than pain merely whispered to her that she couldn’t give in and that she shouldn’t give in to the temptation, whatever it was.  


Still, there also seemed to be a small piece of her, that existed somewhere, deep inside of herself that also knew that if she did allow this to happen, if she did allow death to come and take her away, that would mean that there would be no more pain, and if there was no more pain, well, then that meant that she could sleep.

And she would have wanted nothing more…

She only flinched, not knowing how much more of this she was going to be able to take, when she found herself thinking for a moment that she may have heard something which sounded like her name being spoken aloud, by someone or something, somewhere out there in the world, but then after that, just as soon as she thought that she heard it, it was already gone and everything in the cold, dark world had gone quiet again. She forced herself to open her eyes to look, despite the fact that sleep was beginning to call for her, and found herself only beginning to consider the fact that she must have made a terrible mistake.

She blinked.

She must have had imagined it, surely.

After all, she knew for a fact that she was alone there and the pain and the cold was reverberating throughout every part of her, her thoughts were muddled and her head felt heavy because everything hurt and she couldn’t move or hardly even breathe and…

But, no...

There it was again.

It sounded like it came as a whisper.

The sound of her name, again, it had to have been.

She was entirely sure of it, this time, that she had heard it in the first place, although it sounded like it was coming from still so very far away, and she didn’t even know what direction it was coming from in the first place, either, so she had only begun to wonder whether or not it would ever even be able to reach her, since it was so far away, before she was gone, before it was too late.

But she knew that voice, it had occurred to her, then, nearly out of nowhere. She had heard it before, somewhere, which meant that she was entirely certain that she recognized it, because there was just something that seemed so familiar to her about it. There was just something about that voice and something about the way in which it said her name that she found to be immensely comforting, but, as much as she wanted to and as much as she wished that she could, she did not seem to be able to recall who or what in the world that voice belonged to, as familiar as it seemed to be for her.

Then, something seemed to happen.

There was a sudden change in the atmosphere, she realized, filling her lungs with another gasp.

It was all because he was there, he was with her, and she was warm again, and that was all that mattered.

She watched him approach quietly before he knelt down beside her and cradled her in his arms, as if she were a newborn baby.

He touched her coat, gently, the palm of his hand coming away from the fabric, only moments later, sticky and red.

There was so much much blood, and it was all hers and it all was coming from her, she knew, gazing up at him, trying to study the strange expression on his face, trying her very best to remember his name, but it was just so hard for her to focus on anything other than the pain.

But then, it seemed as if it were all too much for her and besides, she was so warm now and she was so, so tired…

She felt herself shift abruptly, wincing at the pain as she tried to curl her body slightly against him, and rested her head down on his abdomen, dark, wet locks of her hair obscuring her face as she suddenly found the desire to shut her eyes and wait for sleep to come for her almost irresistible.

But, he moved her and brushed her wet bangs out of her face, and she lifted her eyes curiously, nearly in a daze and watched his expression darken, the very moment that he seemed to finally realize.

He was speaking to her now, as gently as he could, and she saw his lips move quickly to form her name, but he said it so softly that she could barely hear him at all through all of the dense, heavy silence. 

She watched as he whispered some other words to her too, but the problem was that all of the other words that he had said kept getting all mixed up inside of her head and she couldn't understand it because nothing he seemed to be telling her made any sense.

She blinked, only looking past him into the dark, but only for a moment, noticing that Zelda was there, too, though the other woman was standing back, seemed to have wanted to keep her distance, though she was watching her intently and with an equally strange look on her face.

She shifted her eyes, then, gazing up at him again, to meet his once more, grateful only because of the fact that he was there with her, and his warmth only seemed to have been providing a curious sense of comfort, relief, and almost distraction, as well, no matter how brief, in spite of a world of unimaginable pain.

She only wished that she could recall his name, somehow.

Then, she seemed to have been able to find the strength and concentration, somewhere, deep inside of her that she needed in order to force her hands to move, only blinking at him as she raised her hands to sign to him, lazily.

_Hurt._

__

Then...

__

_Sleep._

He stopped her, almost immediately though, lowering both of her hands down with his so that she could say nothing more.

She watched him speak her name again, telling her that it would be alright and that she didn't need to say anything else and that she only needed to rest. It was at that exact moment, that she also noticed something briefly flash in his eyes that she felt was entirely too familiar to her, somehow, because it was something she only imagined that she had seen before, though it was something that she couldn’t quite place.

He turned his head away so that she could no longer see his face and looked back at Zelda, saying something to her that she didn’t quite hear.

Then, she was right there.

Suddenly.

Close.

With her.

Like he was.

Another slow, quiet breath in.

There was something about Zelda's presence there, that close to her, that seemed to make her want to start all over again…

_One…_

__

__

_Two…_

_Three…_

...as she watched the two of them glance at each other, briefly, exchanging a look between them that she just couldn’t see very well in the darkness, nor was it a look that she could even read any part of, no matter how much she wished that she had been able to.

She knelt down beside her, too, next to the man who was holding her so tenderly in his arms, onto the pavement and she only watched and only vaguely noticed it as the other woman lowered herself directly into a puddle of cool rainwater and her own warm, crimson blood.

She tried to tilt her head slightly, towards her, in response, because she only wanted to and because she only wished that she could and because something about it had made her seem to really know that she wasn’t alone now, not anymore; or at least, she considered for a moment, maybe, only maybe, she knew it for certain now that she had never, ever been as alone as she had always feared that she was. Though quite possibly that was only because of the fact that they were there now, the two of them, at the precise moment in time that, shortly before, everything else in the world that she had ever really known or cared about had been so violently taken from her in a matter of seconds.

The fact remained that they were both there for her now, at a moment when it mattered, when it really and truly mattered, and it occurred to her that that was all that she actually cared about anymore; and it was that exact knowledge, at least, that seemed to be the only thing she had left in this terrible world which provided her with some sense of peace, now, in the very end, even despite the fact that she also knew that it was already far too late, for her.

Death was so close to taking her, so very close, now, though it seemed as if she remained curiously unaware of its looming presence over her, at least, to some extent; though maybe it should have come as no surprise to anyone, really, but that was only because of the fact that they could tell from her eerie calmness and her hazy, blank stare that she wasn’t all quite there with them, anymore. The fact of the matter was that it was too late, only and painfully evidenced by all of the blood and also by the fact that it seemed almost as if she herself was the only soul left in the world that had no real grasp of just exactly how much damage had truly been done to her and to everything, as a result of all of this. 

She blinked slowly, helplessly lost there, in all of the silence and all of the pain, only watching as all of the water and all of the blood came together so easily, blending, and already beginning to soak through the other woman’s dark, charcoal coat, creating an intricate pattern as it spread and she only wished, at that very moment, that she had been able to reach out and touch it.

There was even more movement next to her, then, she noticed, movement that was careful and slow, just like before, with him.

She glanced, noticing for the very first time that both Zelda’s eyes and face were damp.

She was so very gentle with her, as gentle as she had ever been, because she didn't want to make it any worse and because she knew that she needed to be, if only for no other reason than to prevent her from having to experience any further pain.

Her fingertips brushed against her cheek lightly, before coming to rest softly over her right hand.

She flinched again noticeably, although it had been moments afterwards, when she was studying the way that Zelda’s hand was covering hers that it occurred to her that she couldn’t even feel it, oddly. It occurred to her that she had never even really felt any of it, actually.

So maybe, that meant that she could sleep now.

She only hoped that she would have the chance.

She was just so very eager for it.

Her vision blurred, and somehow, Zelda just seemed to know, because she was speaking to her now, softly, using some of the same words that this man, Giles, she had remembered now that that was what his name was (God, how could she have ever forgotten his name?), had used with her when he spoke, though she also seemed to be using a few different ones.

She watched her lips carefully.

“…no…Elisa, honey…cold…awake…”

But after that, all of the other words were only getting jumbled inside of her head again to the point where she just didn’t understand again and it hurt and she was tired and it was all just too hard and the pull of sleep was only getting stronger with each and every second that ticked by, and it was all of those things together that made her want to stop listening.

She only thought about what it would be like, if everything in the whole world stopped at once.

The world started to grow dim, then, becoming even more silent, more silent than it had ever been, until there was nothing there at all anymore.

Zelda was still trying, though, they both were, actually, but she just couldn’t hear them anymore and she just couldn’t see them anymore, so she chose to shut her eyes, because she just couldn’t do it anymore. It was at that point that she seemed to be considering, if only for the briefest of moments how cruelly ironic everything about this seemed to be, that is, the simple fact that in the very end, everything around her in the world only seemed have gotten to be as silent as she was in life, and as silent as she had always ever been; and as terrible of an idea that that all seemed to be, at least, initially, then she began to consider all of the ways in which it all made sense. 

Actually, everything about it made absolute and perfect sense, she concluded, for her to have been almost destined to spend her final moments of life on this Earth surrounded by the same kind of enduring and familiar silence that had always been with her, ever since she was very, very young, and for it to have always been that way, though, admittedly, it was not that she even really and truly cared, because it was clear now that silence was one of the only things in her life that she knew that she could count on, and one of the only things in her life that had always been there. But, none of it even mattered now, truly, because now it was over and now Giles and Zelda knew that there was nothing more that they could do for her, to help her, to save her, because they were nothing and they were no one in this terrible world.

But then again, they realized that there was nothing more that anyone could do for her, really, because she was already gone.

She was just too cold, she was just too pale, she was just too still, she was just too…everything.

The pain was beginning to leave her and in its place, finally, the darkness came, taking her away with it piece by piece, and she knew right then that it was the only thing that she could say that she had ever truly wanted.

Her friends, found that the only thing that they even could do was stay there, with her, and wait and watch and weep and listen, hopelessly, for her to take her final breath.

It just wasn't fair, Zelda thought herself, bitterly, wiping her tears away, nothing about this would ever be, but, then again, life never had been.

Afterwards, when she had gone, it seemed as if an eternity had passed before either one of them even dared to look at each other again, his expression being the first to soften in their collective grief.

The brutal rain had tapered off, somewhat, though he still continued to hold her in his arms, even after it was all over and she had faded away quietly, with as much tenderness and care as he could possibly muster through all of his tears and all of his grief; and it seemed to have occurred to the both of them at precisely the same moment that one could say that it almost appeared as if he were still trying to protect her from…neither one of them even knew what, anymore. But, maybe he was trying to protect her from something, whatever it was, though in the end, even he knew that it didn’t even matter anymore, anyway, because she was gone because death had taken her away from them and death was permanent, always.

Zelda stood up as she cried, thinking of her, of Elisa, of the beautiful, delicate spirit of her friend that she and also Giles, as well, had grown to love and care for so deeply.

She had had to watch her, watch Elisa, fade away from everything and everyone in the world that she had ever known and everything and everyone in the world that had ever cared for her or about her, and all of this had happened right in front of her very eyes, in a matter of moments, and without even the slightest sound.

She shook her head, helplessly watching Giles whisper softly into a dead woman’s hair. 

Everything about this was so undeniably painful, and it was instantly clear that it was a different kind of pain, a much different kind of pain that Zelda had ever experienced before in life thus far, and she knew that there was something about this kind of pain that was so unique and striking that she had been entirely certain that she would never, ever possess the correct words in her vocabulary to be able to verbalize to anyone its true magnitude.

She wasn’t sure she quite understood it herself, honestly, at least not completely and maybe, only maybe, she never would.

She turned, glancing up at the night sky as she whispered a quiet prayer for her soul, knowing that Elisa never deserved this.

Elisa never deserved any of it, actually, because nobody did, and that was the most tragic part of it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this is my very first story so any and all feedback you may have for me would be really appreciated and thank you so much for reading this!


End file.
